RESET OUT DEEPLY HELD BELIEFS

We come alive in the belly of our mother. Research shows that about 50% of people develop a secure attachment, while the rest form insecure styles: anxious (25%) or avoidant (25%). This defines how we build relationships in life and work. Building on this attachment style, both positive and traumatic experiences activate our emotional triggers and defensive behaviors. Along the way, we shape the inner hero in our life story.

Throughout life we live in the duality of having great experiences and feeling good about ourselves and life, while also experiencing negative feelings such as shame, guilt, anger and fear triggering our vulnerabilities. We project onto our leaders our hopes, longings, fears, inability and desires for human connection. At the same time we experience disappointment about our role models and their values in action, because we (would like to) believe them to be perfect.

We build deeply held beliefs we will foster and protect to stay true to ourselves for the rest of our life. Untill the moment that we bump into a life-changing event: relationships, children, illness, job, loss, burnout, depression, money, ... or at some point we simply get (almost) stuck, not realizing that the unconscious patterns invisibly have been ruling our life. Not knowing that these patterns are structurally transferred from grandparents to parents, at some point we start realizing we have in turn unconsciously transferred our dysfunctional patterns to our own children.

At work pressure is increasing exponentially, triggering our shadow sides that can bring out the best and the worst in ourselves and in our colleagues. We are all humans, we share our need for love and belonging, to be seen, understood and valued for who we truly are and what we contribute. The more we reduce anxiety and build psychological safety the more everyone will be enabled to contribute one’s best value. It is the key role and responsibility of any leader to reduce anxiety and to build courage systemically throughout one’s eco-system of influence.

Each individual person needs to do one’s own inner work wrestling through both shadow and light sides. Our most adaptive way forward is genuine people- centric collaboration in eco-systems of trust to drive joint value creation. In times where readiness to change, psychological safety and building aligned united groups to accelerate performance are of mission-critical importance, we need kindness - not as softness, but as a strength that fosters safety, honesty, learning and growth. In today’s world, where the ability to adapt, collaborate, and lead through uncertainty is mission-critical, kindness is the new power. It enables us to bring out the best in everyone,
and to activate leadership at all levels.

The most important transformation work starts with our self-discovery journey.